Goodbye

July 18th, 2005 by inah-u

The quote beneath the title, describes the term “GOODBYE” and how it is constantly affecting my every movement, my decisions, even my very existence in this world, and my future as well.

I have come to the realization that most of the people i’ve
trusted seem to have moved away from me… first there was tart who
eventually moved to manila to work… we never really had a hard time
saying goodbye because before i even noticed it she was gone, next was
bispwen, who has been my friend since who knows when…. also moved to
the so called land of opportunity, i spent a lot of nights crying over
why she left, but eventually i got over it and settled to just texting,
email and chat for communication. then came mylou who at the shortest
time became a confidant of mine… one night i received a text from
here saying she was going to dubai to work… it was at that point i
realized that everybody i trusted, everybody who understood me, one by
one, began drifting away. i cried… i cried so hard that night, i let
out all my frustrations all in one burst of emotion after that i
thought of more positive ways to ignore what i felt. since i was an
only child, i had no one to talk to at home, so i depended on my
friends and treated them more like a sister. it was then that i decided
i should never depend my happiness on any person and that i should
never let any of my work buddies become a part of my personal
life…but then… hang came along…. i tried hard to supress how much
i wanted to be her friend but eventually our friendship became
deeper… deeper than i have ever expected it to be. she was no friend
anymore.. she has become family. we had been through a lot of ups and
downs but still we stuck with each other… not because we had no
choice but we wanted to keep the friendship. she has taught me about a
lot of things in this life… the biggest was to become the POSITIVE
person i am today. she has taught me how to be strong and not to depend
my happines on one person alone. however, just like the others it was
shortlived… this time i was the one to be leaving. i felt pain… the
kind of pain i have never expected… to be leaving your comfort zone,
your family and most especially the friends who i loved and cared for
the most. i feared so much they would forget me eventually. bt i was
wrong… they never did.. every once in a while during my first months
here in Manila, i cried… almost every night thinking about them,
every time i hear something familiar or see something that would remind
me of them, i cry. i’ve never known myself to be the biggest cry
baby… but the pain was so much to bear to be alone in an unfamiliar
territory with no one to turn to. i called them almost every week just
so they be reminded i still existed. till time came i burried myself
with work. i told myself it’s better to be working than thinking about
our what could have beens… i again told myself i should never get
involved then i met Charm.. we were like two lost strangers who have
found comfort in one another. i dunno where we made the connection,
we’re having happy times now, sad times and confusing times. we must
agree those things cannot be avoided, we’ve fought so hard for this
friendship to work …. and it saddens me that the word GOODBYE, again
is near…